ABOUT LIFE, ABOUT ART (&the rest)

Christian Bale's hot as hell and I guess he has a brain (even he fights a lot in movies).
Saw him in "EQUILIBRIUM" (Special thanks to my English teacher) and was stunned.
Just wanted to mention it.
I can imagine him sitting in a bus, like everyone, and just looking out of the window. Dreaming. I can imagine him in a completely different life, he just seems so down-to-earth to me. Even he has those muscles... I wonder if he likes them or just has them for his movies. The training must be awful. He wouldn't look worse with less muscles I have to admit.
Saw him in movies like Velvet Goldmine and Batman too. I liked him there, especially in Velvet Goldmine because it's a very different role.



Oh and because I'm now in the mood!
A great artist who touches my heart...! Ben Whishaw. First saw him in 'The Perfume', then in 'Brideshead revisited'...'Cloud Atlas', 'Bright Star'... Tried to watch 'The Tempest' but didn't actually got 'into it', was to hard to understand for me... Maybe one day I'll try again.
Last month I watched an interview with him... Absolutely lovely. A little bit shy but so intelligent. It's someone who always finds the right words to say. You notice that he actually LOVES art, LOVES acting.



And there's another very good looking man. It's Rhys Ifans. If you search some fotos of him you will think that he looks SO old. And I find he's not really fotogenic... Nevertheless he's one of the most elegant and crazy actors I know. He's stunning in movies... I don't remember the first film I watched of him... Could be Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 1 but I don't think so. I didn't even notice that time that it was him because he didn't impress me with this role. It was a very small role.
OH YES! I remember! It was Mr. Nobody when I first noticed him. He just caught my attention... But then I saw The Amazing Spiderman and this was the point when I thought "I know that man!"
I watched Anonymus and Chromophobia after it... And I found out that he dated Alison Mosshart which I found a bit amusing.
Oh and he has such a sexy accent... I think it's Welsh...



Another "old man" I adore is Ralph Fiennes. I like especially his bright eyes and his voice (it sounds so special, even it's somehow a bit like Spongebob... But in a positive way). His eyes, it seems like there are so many stories behind them. He seems all in all very wise to me. Very elegant and experienced. He's perfection for me.



Oh I have to correct myself. All four are perfect to me. Others may say "they're too old, he is ugly because... , he looks evil, he has a strange nose" etc. But for me they reached their aims, they just look so... complete. I don't miss anything when I see them... They have everything a human being needs...

I'm starting this entry because I have a feeling which keeps me from sleeping. And tomorrow's school. But I'm only THINKING my brain doesn't stop.
Well it's about that I want to play with my band on stage. But my friend is so frightened which annoys me a bit. She's frightened of loud things (WE'RE IN A BAND, IT IS LOUD!!!), frightened of microphones. I could write a song about how much she annoys me at the moment.
Just angry and a bit sad because I notice it could be impossible to perform as a band on stage which is somehow my dream. Almost crying (awkward) but can't which makes the feeling worse. I want to BURST. But can't. Sucks.

It's very late. Tomorrow's school, but I want to write a few sentences about something what just happened. I sit here in my bed, checking some timetables for tomorrow. And then my stepfather comes along, thinking I'm asleep (he went into the bathroom, my room's the door next to it, so I could hear him even the door was closed). And as he leaves the bathroom he says "This bitch!" in an angry tone. I often hear him saying things like this when he goes to the bathroom, but I never really care. When I tell him, he always says he doesn't remember. Mostly those insults happen at night, you have to know. And it's always connected with the fact that I forget something in the bathroom. But today I took everything with me, I'm really sure.
So I shouted directly after the incident "What did u say?"
He answered "Good night"
So I repeated
"What did u say?"
He said
"Good night?"
My mother was asking from downstairs
"What's happening, what did u say?"
He answered
"Nothing bad."
I said
"Hm"
waited
added
"He said bitch to me"
But my mom was already gone and as he heard it, he closed the door.I found that somehow strange and dishonest.
And I felt a bit bad. Like guilt. But somehow different because I'm not guilty and I know that. And I know he likes me even he's sometimes a bit rude. If my parents would hear what I sometimes say when they leave the room, they would be also a bit hurt I think...

Friend's eyes and mine... Liked the picture... Just for fun

Don't worry, there's nothing really personal about this entry... Just some thoughts.
It will be about me at the moment, focussing more on my outward appearance etc. what I think about it, what I want to change: So let's start!
I begin with my hair. It's brown I think but I'm not quite sure. Could be red as well (natural red)
Here a picture of it:


The hairline's my natural hair colour... I coloured it the last time in Christmas break

But I have this colour now since autumn last year and now I'm fed up with it. Before I wash my hair, I always pour some citrone juice on it. So it gets brighter, there are some yellow/golden/blond streaks.
But it's not enough!!!! I want it BRIGHTER!
But on the other side I'm frightened of a terrible result like pink hair. Pink is okay for one day but I couldn't wear it every day in school.
Citrones are controlling my life at the moment. I pour them on my hair and drink them to lose some weight. I never weigh myself so I don't know if it's functioning... Find it too frustrating. I wouldn't find it that bad if I had a larger head. But my head is so small, I never look okay (for myself). We'll see...
That's it... (already)
If some people read this and have blond dyed hair they could maybe write into a comment if they made a good experience... Or some who made a bad experience, if the hair becomes orange and if this orange looks VERY awful.

Do only teenagers feel like that? Like they have to make decisions but can't?
I hate that feeling, I hate my underdeveloped teenager-mind. Family is saying again and again: What's with your driving license? When will you do it? What's with your work placement? When will you call some companies? When will you write your application for Niederegger?
And I keep on thinking and saying "Monday" but feel uncomfortable with this sentence because I'm not really in the mood to do anything.
I loved the feeling to be free but as I become older, the feeling disappears. I realize how hard my life will be if I don't make provisions. And then I think at the same time "So if it's harder later, relax now!" ... Maybe I should stop thinking, it makes it all more complicated.
I have (had) a list what I want to do this year:
-driving license
-check the local school of music and art
-get a work placement for school

These are not all points, some are private. But these are the ones which give me at the moment a bad feeling. I feel guilty for not doing anything... Sucks.

Well this entry will be about London, the city I love. I'm fascinated by it, it's such an enchanting place. It's a city which gives you the feeling that everything is possible if you just try. It has rich and poor sides, high towers glistening in the sunlight and old buildings covered with graffiti. It has those impressive drama schools, this invidual fashion, traditional pubs, it has everything what a city needs to be perfect. For me it is perfect, it really is.
Well, the city in Germany where I live has a drama school too, but... I am not convinced of it, I somehow have the feeling that there are working people who aren't really professional. People, who lost their confession, who think they're failures.
One day I will go there and write about my experience... But first I have to get the driving license, even I'm not really in the mood to start driving lessons. But this is another story.

I want to share some lovely shots I made there with my camera (which isn't the best, but a good one)


A horse guard

There's this story about the guards in London. When I was younger I found them SO attractive, I don't acually know why I found that. I used to come around everywhere they stood and just watching them, thinking about how I could communicate with them (I would have never done that, but it was a nice thought). My main idea was to tell them that one blink is "yes" and two blinks are "no". So I could tell them stories and asking them "Don't you think so too?" (I never did that, unfortunately. Would be a funny story to tell).
And even now I like to take photographs of them, even I feel like a hardcore tourist while I'm taking the picture.


Another aspect I adore about London are the Vintage-shops. Last year I discovered the shop "BLITZ". It's an old factory selling clothes, shoes, accessoires, furniture, posters or something to drink. I bought just one thing, it was something like a blouse. But the material was thicker.


This is the "blouse"

I think the shop was in or near the Hanbury Street, a place with lots of vintage-shops. There was also a church selling vintage fashion, I found it lovely and cool.
You can also regard some great graffitis, like a badger with glasses and a hat, some very detailed faces, the colourful lettering "PLEASURE"...


A graffiti on the wall of the London BLITZ

The people in London are polite, they aren't as unfriendly as the reputation says. I made the experience that they're very open and helpful.
A place my favourite singer Alison Mosshart likes is the Roundhouse. She said something like "the best fact about it is, that it's round". I haven't been to it, it's a concert hall. Maybe next time.

At least I want to add some photographs:


Statue in the Hyde Park. I found it pretty cool that London's full of holes of green parts. So there's the grey "city-side" and the natural green "park-side"


Trafalgar Square


Portobello Road: A huge market street. I didn't buy many things, just a sweater. My problem was that I found the things too expensive or the quality was bad.



Pelicanes (?) in the Hyde Park


View from Hyde Park: Church tower

Today I went to a sort of "further education", it's called 'Schüler Coach/student coach" and I absolutely hate it.
Every month I have to go there, after school. Our school-director and the school psychologist are leading it and they're annoying.
I thought this job "Schüler Coach" would be okay, but from lesson to lesson I started to hate those leaders and some other students who are also coming to the meetings more and more.
The director is okay, i don't actually like him, because he thinks he can look inside the people. But he's semi-honest. This psychologist is a pregnant woman who thinks her methods are super funny and clever at the same time. She looks like a fat version of Pumuckl with glasses (I think it's a german character, here is a picture):


Okay, I'm really mean right now. And I don't really know why I find her unsympathetic... But my aversion is very big.
Furthermore there are those arrogant guys who always feel like they got the problem. Maybe they really got it, but they're stupid anyway... Perhaps my dislike is based on the fact that they're all clones. They're all partying and talking about, how many Jägermeister they drunk last night. It sucks!!!! What are they expecting? That I scream "OH MY GOSH YOU'RE SO SUPER COOL!!! I would be sooooo proud if I could say that about me ... And even then it would sound stupid because I'm not an excellent version like YOU!!!!!" Sucks...

Immer beschwere ich mich über die Leute, anstatt die Probleme bei mir selbst zu sehen. Aber ich will sie auch meist garnicht sehen. Ich weiß "gar nicht" wird getrennt geschrieben, aber ich schreib's trotzdem zusammen.
Aber es existieren einfach Menschen, mit denen kann ich mich nicht anfreunden. Leute, die so tun, als würde ich nicht da sein...Das ist der älteste Scherz, und ich habe keine Idee, was diese Personen damit erreichen wollen.
Ich wollte es nur einmal loswerden:
Menschen, die im Unterricht ständig nach vorne gehen um irgendwas aus ihrem Blickfeld zu schieben, die sich hinstellen und erstmal ihre Muskeln anspannen, damit alle sehen wie geil sie sind und die mich als Sklavin ansehen sind NICHT geil.

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Ich bin sauer so sauer und traurig und wütend und was nicht alles! Warum gibt es soziale Menschen? Warum kann man nicht EINMAL egoistisch sein?! WIESO? Okay, okay, ich wäre auch nicht egoistisch in dieser Situation! Aber es kotzt mich an. Da ist so ein Mensch, der NIE zeit hat, wenn es drauf ankommt. Sinnlose Treffen sind okay aber sonst nie. Dieser Mensch ist einfach zu sozial als dass es EINMAL klappen würde, dass wir zusammen weggehen, auf Partys etc. Es ist ja auch nicht so, dass ich mich wie ein Alien an meiner Schule fühle und mir ein wenig menschlicher vorkommen würde, würde ich mal unter Menschen gehen... Es ist so bescheuert! ALLES! Ich bin ein Versager, die anderen sind dumm___ JA!